i still remember the night pretty well in my head. It was called XxX (based on the movie i think The Rock stars in). It was something at the time was passed onto me. I took half of it and within 1hr i was feeling pretty drowsy.. i stood there among the crowd, banging music in the background and thought.. wats happening.. this aint feeling right. The drowsyness was kicking in.
I had the other half left in my wallet and thought it was time to finish it off. That went down and it was time for me to sit down and what was to come next was one of the most intense things ive gone thru in my life. The pill kicked in at full.. my head was hurting.. i would have my eyes open, and my head was still hurting. I would close my eyes and my head would still hurt. I was gone. As i sat there on the right hand side of the sublime dancefloor i was in a state where nothing could get me back to normal except for time. I had my head down for a duration that prob went for an hour..which was pretty crazy. At times during this smackiness i felt disengaged from my own body, the sounds of DJ Scot Project just hammering in the background.
Time had passed and i felt somebody kick me in the butt to wake me up, im sure it was a bouncer. And then while i sat then there coming out from it i just watched a glow stringer do his thing, it was such an awesome site being in that state. The awesome colours of the glowstick just waving around while i was in state of just amazement.. it was just... "yeah...".
And as i type this i just think how far i was away from God in 2005. Its now 2008 and life has been wonderful. I think back and think how disgusting it was back then..but at the time i would have never thought of such thing. "Where was God" would be kept in my mind.
I would attend Bible studies in 2005 with a lot of joy as i wanted to get back to God. There was growth there. It was a way out. And i think now... where would i be if i didnt have God. Would i still be trashin it out with the drugs... could i have lost my life doing graffiti. Its a scary thought.
Could this all have been blind faith, thinking something like God got me out of all this mess? It wasnt blind at all.. my love for God grew. Things got better. That pathetic life is now dead and in the past. I've experienced so much joy knowing God and His Son. During those moments, how could i have discerned the problems faced in such an environment. Was it just all my own understanding? I felt God definately was tugging at me to come back.
Living God's way is the only way for me. Not living God's way disgusts me.
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very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die
4 comments:
wow, thanks for sharing that lawrence. man i had no idea - but yeah, praise God for His work in your life and for the passion He's given you for your holiness :)
That's really deep, Lawrence...sorry that u had to go thru that in ur past but i guess all that matters now is that you've found ur way to God and He seems to be working in ur life in many amazing ways!
"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:6)
That's one of my fave bible verses.
thanks for being real. a good friend of mine who is a non-christian is so cynical about christianity because christians seem all "up there" with their wanting to be godly and happy lives. it is a great testimony to have it real, to read the testimony of how God moves in very real life situations in normal people. thanks for sharing and thank God he has brought you to where you are today.
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