migraines part 2

if ive never told you about my migraines ill tell you now. I started getting them in early 2007 i think or late 2006. It was during a night shift and my left eye started becoming blurry. I was a bit freaked out and was thinking, "oh no im going to have to wear glasses!" The thoughts of being like all the other asians out there wearing glasses made me feel a bit uneasy (i chuckle in my head thinking that).

Its a terrible feeling to go through migraines. My left eye gets a blurry vision, lasts for about 30mins-1hr. That will go away and the right side of my head will just hurt.. it will be a nausea type feeling, wanting to throw up.

After my first time getting it i would get migraines on average once a month. I would battle through it, having to sleep it off. At times forcing myself to throw up to relieve the pain. It was interesting to hear there was a person that would have some illness, during a mission they had went to in Africa they would not have this illness, once back home they would get it again. Interesting...

I went to mission for the first time this year and towards the lead up and after i was on a streak of about 3 months without a migraine. I came back to work, 3 weeks later i got 2 migraines in 2 weeks! 2nd time i got it, i asked God to heal me. Nothing happened.

Today i woke up and had a blurry left eye again. I was on the train still with a blurry left eye.

Father, how awesome you are. I just come here again today and ask that you Will heal me from these migraines. I feel i'm being a burdern to my workmates that i need to sleept it off in the sick bay. Im confident even if im not healed now my migraines will go away soon

I finished my prayer and not long my blurry left eye went away. I have never recovered from a buildup of a migraine. Medicine has never helped. That's my story for today.

getting up

i used to have a lot of fun during my times of writing (graffiti) but i was in a time where i was so lost and distant from God. I remember first really getting into around year12 where at some point i wasnt really focusing much on my studies as i had chosen the 'wrong' subjects and wasnt motivated to really study. Going to Uni wasnt very hopeful.

So i would see pieces on the trainlines of other writers and think how cool these writers got up in the most dangerous of places where it be some ledge off a tall building or some small box, big enough to put a tag on. The colours in these pieces, the level of danger where people would put up their tags seemed all cool. But how stupid of all of this didnt even come to mind.. i was blind.

The times of stealing spray paint from shops, the times of being caught spray painting and stealing spray paint from shops was all part of the graff culture. The risk of being jumped for actually writing, the risk of gettin a criminal record from it and the risk of death of being hit by a train from being on the tracks...it was all part of it.

I still remember the time where i had slowly got to know another writer in my area. We met online and we were both toys (beginners) at the game. We later would meet up with another writer from the blue mountains and actually get onto the train tracks to do pieces within a tunnel. It was a somewhat scary experience.. as we were piecing in the tunnel little could I hear was a train coming through. The writer we met from the mountains could hear the train coming and we quickly got out of there.. we could have lost our lives like so many have in the past.

The culture of it all when done illegaly is very sad. Steal, tag, possibly get into fights, chances of getting caught, risking your life and the list goes on. Praise God for allowing me to wake up from all this mess..

until i see you again

Oh child, precious one
Let your life shine like the sun
But you say “How long ‘til I can come home
‘Til I can rest in your arms again”
And I say “Not long but don’t miss this life and I’ll be
Waiting ‘til then”

Live with the wonder of a child
Pray with your arms thrown open wide
Love with a love that has no end
Until I see you again

Oh child, precious one
With each breath know you are loved
But you say “How long ‘til I can come home
‘Til I can rest in your arms again”
And I say “Not long but don’t miss this life and I’ll be
Waiting ‘til then”

special k

i still remember the night pretty well in my head. It was called XxX (based on the movie i think The Rock stars in). It was something at the time was passed onto me. I took half of it and within 1hr i was feeling pretty drowsy.. i stood there among the crowd, banging music in the background and thought.. wats happening.. this aint feeling right. The drowsyness was kicking in.

I had the other half left in my wallet and thought it was time to finish it off. That went down and it was time for me to sit down and what was to come next was one of the most intense things ive gone thru in my life. The pill kicked in at full.. my head was hurting.. i would have my eyes open, and my head was still hurting. I would close my eyes and my head would still hurt. I was gone. As i sat there on the right hand side of the sublime dancefloor i was in a state where nothing could get me back to normal except for time. I had my head down for a duration that prob went for an hour..which was pretty crazy. At times during this smackiness i felt disengaged from my own body, the sounds of DJ Scot Project just hammering in the background.

Time had passed and i felt somebody kick me in the butt to wake me up, im sure it was a bouncer. And then while i sat then there coming out from it i just watched a glow stringer do his thing, it was such an awesome site being in that state. The awesome colours of the glowstick just waving around while i was in state of just amazement.. it was just... "yeah...".

And as i type this i just think how far i was away from God in 2005. Its now 2008 and life has been wonderful. I think back and think how disgusting it was back then..but at the time i would have never thought of such thing. "Where was God" would be kept in my mind.

I would attend Bible studies in 2005 with a lot of joy as i wanted to get back to God. There was growth there. It was a way out. And i think now... where would i be if i didnt have God. Would i still be trashin it out with the drugs... could i have lost my life doing graffiti. Its a scary thought.

Could this all have been blind faith, thinking something like God got me out of all this mess? It wasnt blind at all.. my love for God grew. Things got better. That pathetic life is now dead and in the past. I've experienced so much joy knowing God and His Son. During those moments, how could i have discerned the problems faced in such an environment. Was it just all my own understanding? I felt God definately was tugging at me to come back.

Living God's way is the only way for me. Not living God's way disgusts me.